The Ties That Bind

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about love. What makes people love one another? What makes that bond strong enough to overcome conflict, loss of proximity, difficult circumstances and individual growth? Marriages, friendships, romances, family- what’s the magic sauce that keeps people together and happy about it?

My relationship with my parents has been rocky, to say the least. My father and I have had our differences, but there’s always been a strong bond between us. My mother is a whole other story. I made the decision to love her and honor her regardless of the checkered past we have, and I had to do that first, before real forgiveness came years later (for the most part). Our bond is stronger now than I think it’s ever been, but it still doesn’t hold a candle to my relationship with my father.

I fell in love with MH hard and fast. There was this incredible chemistry between us instantly, the first night we met. It had to be mostly physical attraction; we did not have a basis at that point for much of anything else. As we started dating, talking, doing things together, doing nothing together- that chemistry deepened and widened.  We talked about everything- everything- and began to find that we fit together like pieces to a puzzle. Our compatibility is in the major things in life, and our differences are in the details, in our daily lives, in our reactions and perspectives and personalities. One of our inside jokes is that if for some reason we ever divorced, that we wouldn’t ever stop sleeping together and talking all the time. That’s how strong our bond is- he is my husband, and will always be, but if he wasn’t, he would still be a part of me.

I have friends, a wide variety of people, with varying degrees of closeness. Some of those friends are old, old friends. Some are pretty new. There are people I’ve stayed in contact with, or reestablished contact with after losing physical proximity. There are those friends that you can call after not speaking for months (or years!) and pick up right where you left off. There are those few, precious friends who can read my heart by looking in my eyes. Friends who make words unnecessary, friends who hold my hand figuratively even when it isn’t literally possible.

There are other friendships that have faded over time, that distance (physical or emotional) or circumstances or conflict have taken the life and breath out of the relationship. What’s the difference? What makes people bond so well, or not at all?

I like to have an answer, or at least a theory when I post about the deep stuff. Somehow it doesn’t seem fair to pose a question and not throw my answer out there. The problem is, I can’t bring that feeling of being connected into words. There’s something ethereal about it; it’s a palatable feeling that is either present or absent. It’s one of the most important things in life, that’s for damn sure.