Thank You For Being An Asshole

WH was right. There will be no shitcanning while the boss is here. He’s actually being very decent, and he’s actually not working in my office, he’s taken a cube. So, in that *something must go terribly wrong* kind of way, since he’s not giving me any trouble, nearly everyone else? Is.

Big thank yous to:

Old Boss, for coming into a building where he no longer has any business, sitting down at his old desk, using his old phone and email, all within earshot of my boss. Thank you for being an asshole.

Also. To Old Boss for sneaking into my office to “slip” me notes about my second job. Are you trying to get me FIRED?! Thank you for being an asshole.

Old Boss 2. Thanks for not correcting Old Boss’s errorenous perception that he is owed another payment. I really enjoyed having to do that to Old Boss in front of my current boss, and I especially like how shocked I was to have to do it since you said you would. Thank you for being an asshole.

Office Timekeeping Troll (who is also Office Thermostat Nazi). I know that you refuse to wear deoderant, and therefore cannot tolerate normal room temperatures. However, I thought that when I asked you to chill the eff out on the air conditioning because my boss is freezing, you might play nice for company. No suck luck. Thank you for being an asshole.

Junior Miss Receptionist who I try very hard not to hate. ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE. THAT IS YOUR JOB. MORE SO THAN, SAY, UNLOADING THE DISHWASHER, FLIRTING OR PLAYING BUBBLES ONLINE. Also? We need to halve the makeup and double the clothing. Way to represent the company. Thank you for being an asshole.

Tech Support Supervisor who I don’t EVEN TRY not to hate. Jeans are not allowed during the week. If I can’t wear jeans, you can’t either. Also? Your t-shirt has holes in it. You look so comfortable, I want to kick your front teeth out. Thank you for being an asshole.

Okay. I feel better. Back to the grind.

9 Responses

  1. Wow. This is me being glad I do not work in an office.

    Glad you’re making it through though.

  2. sounds like you’re having an awesome day….

  3. Ok, no way around it… I will come and take Junior Miss Receptionist’s position. I could probably handle TimeTroll’s job, as well… so two dirty birds with one stone!

    You have my condolences… been there, done that, have the t-shirt (but at least MY t-shirt doesn’t have HOLES!)

  4. You GO girl!

  5. Wow! I can’t wait for you to get home! Hope your day gets better!

  6. LOL! One of those days, huh? I hope it gets better.

  7. I am so thankful you are an anon-blogger. Don’t let it get you down — but do tell us about it like you do here. 🙂

  8. I think I may have once worked at your company. Or perhaps every company has the exact same assholes. Maybe there’s some asshole assembly line they all fell off. Too bad they can’t be thrown out with the trash.

  9. Dear Cat,

    Your blog post touched me deeply, and so I thought I would respond accordingly.

    All too often in this society, the daily doings of assholes go unnoticed by the general populous. Assholes toil each and every day, and their efforts to annoy, irritate, infuriate, frustrate and complicate the lives of individuals in their paths do not get properly recognized.

    Assholes come and assholes go, and we all try to do our part to fulfill a very important societal role, but you have taken the unusual step of singling us out for some long-overdue and, frankly, necessary recognition. You have said something to the assholes of the world that ordinarily never gets said:

    “thank you.”

    Cat, I’ve been an asshole for a long time, and nobody has ever taken the time to stop me on the street, look me in the eye, shake my hand and say those two very small words to me. I’m truly touched that you have taken time out of your day to acknowledge Old Boss 1, Old Boss 2, Thermostat Nazi, Junior Receptionist Whorebag and, vicariously, through their reflected glory, me.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Consistently Negative & Unfocused Program Specialist

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