Office Timekeeping Troll

A long time ago, in a land far, far away, I used to work with an asshole. (I would never blog about any of the assholes I work with now, ever, because that would be blogging about my job, and that might get me in trouble. We wouldn’t want that, now, interwebz, would we?  😉 )

This asshole decided that even though his title clearly reads read “not in charge of a goddamned thing”, he would track the comings and goings of every single employee. Five minutes late in the morning? Asshole knows……. Take an hour and a half lunch on a slow day? Asshole knows…….. Leave at 4pm on a beautiful Friday afternoon? Twenty demerits from the office Asshole……

It’s the whole arbitrary “your business is my business because I say so” thing that really chaps chapped my ass. I don’t answer to the office Asshole. My business is just that- MY business. He doesn’t need to know that I come in late on Tuesdays and don’t take a lunch because I have a weekly appointment with my therapist. He doesn’t need to know that it takes me an hour and a half to go get a pap smear. He doesn’t need to know that I’m leaving early to get ready to go out drinking with my husband. I will reiterate- my comings and goings are no one’s business but mine and my boss’s.

This nasty little habit of the office Assholes started many an argument in our office (you know, the one I don’t still work in? ;)), and although the owners would admit that it really wasn’t any of his business, they allowed him to continue to stalk the other 47 of us. Until…….

Until I figured out how to change the password that people use to change my status in our stupid availability program. This program doesn’t didn’t track time for payroll or presence issues. Its only purpose is was to know when someone would be back in the office and available. The Office Asshole has had little need for even that practical use of the software.

Take that, time troll. Oh, and by the way, I’ve gone home. I’m due back in June. Go ahead. Try to change my status. Do it! Do it! There’ s my name, Asshole, why don’t you double clicky click right on it. Yes, that’s it, that’s it! Click! Okay, now you’re ready for the money shot. Put that password in there, yes, that’s right, type the password like the nosy little bitch you are….. hit enter. Do it! Hit enter! Hit it hard, Asshole! Ooh….. nothing happened! That’s right, you little fucker! Nothing happened! You can’t change me! I change for no one! I guess you’ll just have to mind your own damn business now, won’t you, Asshole?


I might need a vacation. Just sayin’.

10 Responses

  1. LOL I would whole-heartedly have to tell him to go ahead and fuck himself in the most sincere way possible.

  2. Hahaha, wow this guy does not sound like a great guy.

    That being sad- BE CAREFUL! They’re always watching…

  3. you and me both and uh…


  4. I guess you chapped his ass right back, eh? LOL!

  5. I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. hahaha! That is so freaking awesome!

  7. Don’t piss off the Cat! Bad shit will usually follow! Hence the name, VeryBadCat.

  8. It’s a good thing you don’t work there anymore (*knowing grin)

    And… if I were into other girls and you were single and things were different… I think I’d be in love with you! That or you’re my evil (and way cooler!) twin!

  9. Ummm, my comment above sounds kinda creepy… and I didn’t mean it that way…I was just swept away with the awesome trouncing of the Office Asshole!

  10. It didn’t sound creepy! I completely understood what you meant. Creepy would be more like- I’ve booked a flight to Asheville and need directions from the airport. 😉

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