Singing the Blues-Updated

Last night, R and B hung out at R’s house while their husbands put new brakes on B’s car. She had a fainting spell when they got ready to leave, and was still feeling really spacy, with chest pains this morning. When she stopped by her doctor’s office, they told her to go directly to the ER. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and why the hell are you driving?!

She called me in a panic. I grabbed R by the sleeve and drug her out back behind the building where we could talk to B privately. We got her calmed down. She’s at the Urgent Care clinic right now, probably strapped to an EKG machine. It’s probably stress. B has had more than her fair share, really, for quite awhile now. I don’t think she’ll mind me telling you, internet, that she has MS. Her body is constantly fighting her and failing her, and it’s heartbreaking. All she wants in the whole entire world is to be normal. It’s the one thing she can’t have.

I know that this is probably very minor, and that no one without an EKG machine will touch a chest pains case with a ten foot pole. That doesn’t really matter, though, when someone you love is sick and hurt and upset and crying and on their way to the ER.

Let me tell you something about B. She’s an angel. No kidding- sometimes I run my hand down her back to check for wing sprouts. If she loves you, hell, even if she can’t really stand you, she’ll do anything for you. By anything, I mean anything. There aren’t many people like this in the world- people who can derive pure joy- pure, not the joy of approval or acceptance or affection, but simple, pure-hearted joy in making other people’s lives better. She doesn’t expect anything in return. She doesn’t resent what she does. She just does it. Quietly, modestly, lovingly. I feel guilty about being her BFF, because unless the girl needs an organ some day, there is no way I could possible even the score. I try to forget about that, though, because she hates that attitude. She loves me that much- she doesn’t even want me to worry about giving as much as she does. She just wants me to enjoy it, relish it, and love her. Which I do.

Her fabulousness extends way past her nurturing ways. B is smart as a whip, funny, and has great taste in, well, everything. Her manners are impeccable. She’s a hell of a hostess, at work or at home. I believe that I could drive from Paradise to Alaska with her and not be bored or irritated at all, ever. She’s equally as good of a talker as a listener, and I’m saying this about one of the best listeners in the whole world. Her strength is incredible. She’s bound and damn determined to do everything, in spite of her illness.

I love her. I love her so much that it makes my chest hurt. She is, without reservation, the best friend I have ever had. No matter how benign or mild this latest health issue turns out to be, for that first few seconds, when she called me this morning, in tears- hurting, scared, angry- my blood ran ice cold. Because no one ever knows when they get that call that it’s stress, or an MS episode, or dehydration or high blood pressure or whatever silly little thing this turns out to be. We’re forced, in those few seconds, to imagine life without the person on the other end of the line. I will tell you, internet, that I want no part of this world without her in it. Period.

She’s my best friend. She’s my BFF! OMG!. She’s the source of so much light and love in my life. She’s my best employee. If I could pick a sister (no offense to the one I’ve got), it would be her. Hands down. I love her bubbly laughter. I love her cucumber sandwiches. I love the way she holds me while I cry and cries with me. I love the way she lets me hold her while she cries. I love her voicemails that take up three messages on the machine. I love that she saves my worst drunken voicemails to play randomly for our friends. I love her so much. So much.

Would you do me a favor, internet? Would you call your best friend and tell her she means to world to you and that you love her and that she is perfect to you?

If I could have anything in the world, if I could have one wish granted, if there was one chance for me to do something impossible, I would give her a healthy body. It’s the only way I’d ever be able to even the score.

I love you, B. To the ends of the Earth.


B is on her way home from the hospital. She had a coughing fit last night, and it strained a muscle in her chest wall. She’ll be absolutely fine, especially now that she’s pumped full o’ vicoden.

WAHOO! I told you she was strong.


2 Responses

  1. There is no doubt MS is a cruel, cruel disease. It continually takes and yet leaves you fully aware of what you lost and what you will never have again. I’m so sorry for her. 😦 I understand only too well what she is going through.

    When I was 14 my best friend died – leukemia. It was awful and has colored friendships for the rest of my life I think. It took me 4 years to find another BFF but now I do have a few very close girlfriends.

    My oldest friend I’ve known since 1988 – 2 years ago she found out she had breast cancer – it was horrifying. But she has beat it so far and I tell her regularly how much she means.

  2. That was a beautiful post! I will keep B in my thoughts today, and I’ll be seeing my own BFF tonight–I’ll be sure to give her a big hug!! Please do post once you know how B is doing…

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