Operation Extract Trifilin’ Ass ExBF

Thanks to overwhelming demand, I will post for the third time this afternoon to tell you about Operation Extraction.

I have a little sister. I used to hate her. She used to be trifilin’ herself. Now she’s growing up fast, kicking ass at work, learning and growing, and I love her. My pride for her glows hotter than one thousand suns. I am also fiercely protective of her. I always have been, it’s just that when we didn’t get along it was more from a “it’s my job to pick on her” stance.

My little sister had a wonderful boyfriend. He was cute, he was sweet, he was good with a hammer and car stereos. He was looking at rings. We were all excited. I was a little concerned when Baby Sis told me that TEX (trifilin’ exboyfriend) truly thought he was smarter than she was, but I brushed it off as male ego. I’m not even sure that I’m smarter than her, and I’m damn six years wiser. She’s a smart cookie, that one. Anyway……. about five months ago, something tragic happened.

I don’t have the details, but there was some sort of accident, by which TEX’s head ended up crammed all the way up his ass?! He started spending money like an addict (but he wasn’t addicted), quit doing his fair share of the housework (quick side note: my Dad is cleaner than my Mom, so we have very high standards when it comes to men doing chores..), started insisting that a hot meal and folded laundry were his RIGHTS as the boyfriend, and continually reminded my sister that he worked more hours and made more money, as if this entitled him to push her into domestic slavery. Baby Sis is head over heels for TEX, so she was being very patient….. until…

TEX wasn’t where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be there. TEX was taking and making a lot of phone calls from one of his direct reports at work. TEX started being uber-shitty with Baby Sis- name calling and all. So, Baby Sis did what the women in our family do best of all. She went balls-out psycho on him in the parking lot in front of his store. He dumped her. We picked up the pieces and glued them back together. He moved out. And then, the worstest part ever………………………………

Two weeks later he moved back in. Jobless. Penniless. He has a job now. They still aren’t dating. She’s still sleeping with him. He’s still calling her names. He throws her bones to keep her interested, won’t commit to working on the relationship, and still thinks he can borrow money from the family. It’s fair to say that his head is still firmly entrenched in his ass.

What sweet little Baby Sis and TEX don’t know is that my father, my husband and big bad ol’ me are going to descend on the house (my father’s house, that my sister lives in, because they can’t sell it). Daddy’s going to pack up his tools and lawn stuff for WH, WH is going to take TEX to the apartment complex near his new job to get him set up with an apartment, and I am taking Baby Sis for some Mexican and a pedicure, and will hopefully be able to help her understand that if you love a man, but he needs to change to keep you, you should probably stop fucking him. Just sayin’.

I know that we’re going the whole nosy family thing. I know that she deserves a shot at making her own mistakes without my standing over her shoulder correcting her. I also know that TEX is using her, and that she’ll allow it, because she loves him so much and she can’t move on because he’s still sitting on her couch, drinking beer and eating her Fritos, just like before he went and shoved his head up his ass.

I also know that it is making me crazy and I don’t care what’s right anymore I just want to watch WH choke the life out of him die pig die you hurt Baby Sis and I was wrong about you and you’ve got a nasty little mouth on you and our Dad used to talk to her that way and even he knows better now and if you don’t go away and stay away I will cut you die pig die.

And that’s pretty much how the whole fam feels, so we’re stepping in. Cause the family that brawls together, stays together.

My Mom was against it when I talked to her this weekend, which just reconfirms that it’s the right thing to do. I think I settled all of her objections. Now all that’s left is packing up the car and cleaning the handguns!


3 Responses

  1. Amen, sister–I’d do the same damn thing! I hope everything goes well!!

    And I loved your comment–I’m totally going to start calling it my “Christmas”!

  2. Well DAMN.
    There are no pussies in your family. Good for you!
    Enjoy the mexican.

  3. Good luck there! I hope she comes to her senses.
    When are you changing the locks??? 😀

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