Ponytails and Overalls

I don’t know how you feel about email forwards, but I hate them. Hate them. To me, it’s a slap in the face that you won’t take the time to write me an email or show any real interest in maintaining a connection, but you desperately want me to know that I shouldn’t be parking next to vans at night. If you love someone enough to prevent their imminent abduction, could you not also say hi?

One of my staff members, actually, my least favorite staff member, is famous for peppering everyone in the building (except me, because she hates me with the heat of a thousand suns) with Jesus and Danger, Roger Wilco email forwards.

Last spring, it was an email all about how rapists look for pigtails (handles) and overalls (easy access). Internet, you’ll be shocked to know that rapists often carry scissors on them, for cutting the straps on your overalls.

Today’s gem was “Nine Tips to Keep You Safe in This Crazy World”. The tips included things like throwing your purse away from you when you’re being robbed and crawling into the passenger side of your car when a van (scary, ominous, sexual predator van) is parked on your driver’s side.

I cannot get the mental image of this woman, who is awkward and clumsy and slightly stiff (mostly because she’s about three years older than DIRT), crawling into her little silver SUV from the passenger side, lest some sexual manic try to pull her into the van parked on the driver’s side. You know, because rapists are always looking for helpless older victims- sexual predators really get off on dried up little old ladies!


7 Responses

  1. So I guess if I decide to dress like Ellie Mae Clampett on halloween I may be in danger?

    I despise email forwards too, especially ones that are clearly urban legends/hoaxes that sender could not be bothered verifying before sending on.

    I am a bitch I will admit it but unless something like that came from my own mother (and maybe even then) I look it up on Snopes.com find the rebuttal and then hit reply ALL to their entire email list debunking the crazy story and posting a link to snopes.

    Yep it’s harsh but it works – people for the most part have stopped sending me these things – of course they don’t send me anything else either but I am 100% A-okay with that.

  2. I, too, hate forwards. So much so that I don’t even read them. Just delete.

  3. Oh, I HATE the forwards too. My mother is the worst for it, and it’s always some random internet scam that will cause you to LOSE ALL YOUR MONEY and GET YOUR IDENTITY STOLEN and RUIN YOUR LIFE!!! I could do without that…

  4. I HATE EMAIL FORWARDS! unless they have cute animals in them. then I totally ❤ them.

  5. Yep, hate them!!! No matter how many times I tell my mum or sister that forwards are just a lot of fake rubbish, they still fall for them. Especially the ones about killer diseases of women!

    It also annoys me that because they forward it to everyone, my email address becomes known to everyone!

  6. i hate forwards, especially with attachments that bog down the entirety of the inbox.

    but my questions are: do people even wear overalls anymore? i mean, those that don’t work on cars/farms? and why would a rapist see pigtails as “handles”? are they concerned with performing an ergonomic raping? these forwards seldom make rational sense.

  7. Not a fan of the e-mail forwards either. not at all. Blah.

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