Cube Farm or Day Care?

I try not to bitch about work too much. Most everyone has to work, and I’ve found an occupation that I enjoy. My company is a pretty good company- we sell cool stuff, we’re a “real” company, and I have a lot of respect for the owners. But internet? The people I work with, as much as they are a weirdo kind of family but not really, MAKE ME CRAZY. CRRRAAAAAZZYYEE.

It started with the theft of my lunch, which happened to be cheese, which touched off this whole “ha! someone moved your cheese, we should get you that book! ha!” thing. May I point out that if my cheese had merely been moved, that might have been tolerable. It was EATEN, which prevented me from EATING it which was not very tolerable. There have been a rash of thefts from the fridge in recent weeks, and it’s very puzzling. We work a mile from the grocery store, and not even that far from 2 fast food places and a drugstore. There really is no need to eat someone else’s lunch.

There is a culture of entitlement in certain departments, especially regarding food. The kind of culture where you don’t eat breakfast if the company is buying lunch, and FREE FOOD. Like manna from heaven! So, a member of this department approached me earlier this week. The vending machine guy accidentally (?) left a flat of drinks in the break room. I was working on a particularly difficult reconciliation, and therefore was as charming as possible.

Guy: Um, there are some drinks in the break room….

Me: Yeah, know what I’m not in charge of? The break room and any drinks contained therein.

Guy: Well, we don’t know whose they are, but we would have thought you would have sent an email, and I don’t drink that, not me, personally, but uh, there are people here who do, and we just wondered what was going on, because you never sent an email.

Me: Yeah, Guy, um, I don’t know whose it is, I don’t know why it’s there, I don’t know if you can have some or not. Because? NOT IN CHARGE OF THE BREAK ROOM.

Guy: Oh, well, uh. ~walks away~

You know, I don’t like being rude, but some people just force you into it.

The receptionist, and a dear friend of mine, was upset to hear about this, because she is friends with the vending machine guy. So she retrieved the drinks from the break room and hid them under her desk until he comes back. She also asked the owner and I if she could send a company wide email telling people simply “If you didn’t put it in the kitchen, and no one told you to eat it, piss off already.” Of course the actual wording was super delicate and was approved by myself and the owner before she sent it.

Five minutes later, one of the “leaders” of the company is arguing with my receptionist in my cube. He informed us that for YEARS before we came to this company the kitchen counter was fair game and now people are going to bring food into share and it’s going to rot there, and people will start leaving their lunch boxes there, and there won’t be any room to actually use the counter and it will be utter and complete chaos, and the polar ice caps will melt and WE WILL ALL DIE. So I tell him to go argue with the receptionist somewhere else, because I have bigger fish to fry than the break room and HELLO? NOT IN CHARGE OF THE BREAK ROOM!

Then he said that I am the HR Manager, unfortunately (his word, not mine, though I agree, and I’m actually not, somehow), and I had to referee, witness, and make a decision. I told him he was late for an asshat meeting, and I was busy, so beat it. Oh, and I’m sure you’re right, I’m killing all of us, and ruining the environment too.

The next day, someone left chewed gum in the billing clerk’s in box. No kidding, Wrigley’s spearmint, still chewy, soft and flavorful- chewed up and spit out into her in box. So, I pulled it out with a post-it note and wrote “GROW UP” on it in black Sharpie, and tacked it up next to the box on the cube wall.

No one has taken my advice yet.

happy friday! 🙂

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One Response

  1. OMG!!! What a bunch of weird people!!!! *shakes head* I’m sorry your workplace is filled with people who have few manners and fewer brains.
    Hope your weekend makes up for it.

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